Finding Peace in the Eye of the Storm

Mmm it's been well over a year since my last blog post, but I feel like it's a good time to pick up blogging again, now that I'm done my CFE. :)

For those of you who don't know, the CFE (Common Final Exam) is a three-day exam required for those wishing to obtain a CPA designation in Canada. The process of preparing for this exam is long and rigorous, involving the completion of 6 modules/courses over the span of two years - while working full-time. Needless to say, it was super stressful for me to balance work, school, holy work and friends/family. I remember creating a schedule for this process during my last year of university, so finishing this exam was definitely a major event/milestone in my life!

Leading up to the exam, I tried to prepare/prime myself so I can write in the most optimal condition. I tried to shut out distractions (I even uninstalled Instagram for two months), studied hard, prayed for God's guidance and also asked a gazillion other people to pray for me. It was so important to me and I wanted the exam to go as smoothly as possible.

But of course, the unexpected happened. Here's how things went down:

Day 1 (Weds)
Day 1 of the exam took place as planned. Everything went smoothly, I had enough time to write, and felt pretty good after writing! After coming home to review and prepare a bit for Day 2, I decided to go to Wednesday night service and ask for God's guidance over the remaining two days of the exam.

During the service, the pastor was giving a message on the true peace of Christ. He mentioned the recent hurricanes in Texas/Florida and how the strong winds had inflicted wide-spread damage to the surrounding areas. Yet despite the havoc wreaked externally, in the eye of the storm, there was complete stillness. The pastor said it was natural for our hearts to feel anxious and unsettled when things don't go as planned or when our lives seem out of our control, but that God allowed these things to happen to us, so we can find and appreciate the true peace that is in Jesus Christ, likened to the stillness in the eye of the storm.

When I was listening to this message, I thought to myself: Ok, that's cool. I feel pretty at peace right now though, so other people probably needed this reminder more than me. But little did I know how much I would need and refer back to this message for the rest of the week. It was as if God was preparing me for what was ahead!

Day 2 (Thurs)
I didn't sleep well at all the night before and had nightmares. I woke up feeling so groggy and exhausted and was just not in the right state of mind. In my morning prayer, I asked God to increase my faith and help me to have a thankful heart and give praise to Him no matter what happened during the exam.

The exam was difficult. There were a lot of issues to address, and after hearing other people discuss their responses I realized I had missed a few really fundamental issues which I thought were very critical to passing the exam... and the thing is... those issues were pretty obvious and I knew how to address them - but for some reason... my brain just didn't recognize/connect the dots. I was so upset at myself and actually went home and cried :'(

Coincidentally, one of my friends mentioned that another coworker's computer had crashed during the exam. She was panicking/crying as the IT people tried to fix her computer (yes people, it's that stressful) and ended up losing some of her work and precious exam time.

So I tried to comfort myself with the fact that at least my computer didn't crash... And knowing that God was ultimately in control gave me hope and motivation to keep going and do my best for Day 3.

Day 3 (Fri)
Annnnnnnnddd my computer crashed during my exam.

Day 3 of the exam is notorious for the time-crunch - we have to get through 3 cases in 4 hours, so every minute mattered! While writing my second case, my screen suddenly became black. I immediately asked for IT assistance and they tried to restart my computer without success.

But the strange thing is, through the whole process, I felt this strange stillness in my heart. I was not shaken or afraid or panicky at all (which is not how I would normally react). In fact, I was so sure that God was allowing this to happen and that everything was in His control, because SO many brothers/sisters have prayed for me for this exam and encouraged me. I literally had an army of people praying for me (>20 ppl!!) whereas no one else writing that exam did! I truly believe it is because of all your prayers that I was able to get through this ordeal, so shout out to all my spiritual friends for your wonderful support during this period <3

After 5-10 minutes, my computer was up and running again, and thank God I didn't lose any of my work and could refocus and get right back into it! We all know how important one's mindset is to performing under stress so it was truly God's grace that I could remain calm and complete the rest of the exam. It was also miraculous that I'd just done a time-check and felt I had sufficient time to complete my case a few minutes before my computer crashed, which helped me to remain calm because I had a better idea of the impact of the delay on my time allocation.

Thanksgiving
God truly knew what I could and could not handle, and He sent many people to bring me comfort and encouragement through the week. Different brothers and sisters messaged me every day - some sent encouraging words every single morning, some woke up at 6:30/7am each day just to pray with me, and some shared verses and reminded me of hymns when I was feeling so down. I am so so blessed to have all of you.

Although I don't know the results of my exam yet (Dec 1 is when the results come out!!), I am so grateful for all your support, I felt so loved in this process, and am so fortunate to have you as my family in Christ. Please keep me in your prayers and I'll be sure to update you when the results come out. Thank & praise God. :)

"In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety." - Psalms 4:8 (ESV)