The Goodness of the Lord

I'll be taking a break from this blog in the new year, but for the mean time, here's the last post of the year! A short one for December:

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Okay, it's kind of sad that I'm ending the year on a spiritually weaker note. But reflecting over the past year, it's comforting to see my overall growth since December 31st of last year. 

In the past 365 days, I'm sure everyone's had spiritual highs and lows. While reading Psalms this month, I realized that even the greatest people in the bible, including David, had ups and downs in faith like we do. David wrote psalms of praise when he was joyful, and he wrote soul-wrenching psalms when he was depressed. He wrote psalms when he was exalted by God, and he wrote psalms when he felt God was far off and his life endangered.  

But even in the lows of his life, David remembered the heights that God had brought him & focused on the goodness of the Lord. Even in the shadow of the valley of death, David did not abandon his faith, but held on to the goodness of the Lord: 

"I would have lost heart, unless I had believed That I would see the goodness of the Lord In the land of the living. Wait on the Lord; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord!" - Ps 27: 13-14 

I found that super inspiring - Must.... hold... on.. to the goodness of God! (especially in the more difficult or miserable parts of life) And just wait for Him.

God is Good because...

How each of us describes God's goodness may vary because we experience Him differently in our lives. But it's heart-warming to recollect from the past year the times we have felt or experienced God's goodness. And if we haven't felt it, it's a good time to reflect on why that is. 

We often underestimate God's love for us and how good He is. In only seeing God's just side, we beat ourselves up for being weak or for falling short of a certain standard we believe He has set for us. This is not to say we shouldn't repent or feel bad for our mistakes, but being overly legalistic and getting stuck on self-blame can prevent us from experiencing the goodness & mercy of God.

Even though we may have first learned about His justice and righteousness, we also need to learn about His love, mercy, and goodness, to maintain a healthy and balanced spiritual life. At the lowest points of our faith, it's not God's justice that calls us to Him, but rather, His love and goodness. :)

Accepted by the Lord

November has been a month of reflection on servitude for me. As we're drawing closer to the end of the year, through conversations with brothers/sisters, sermons, and bible reading - everything seemed to point me towards examining my servitude this year.

Motivation 
Like many of you out there, I wanted to serve because I found it meaningful in life. I've always wanted to help others in my life, and although I can do so through material means, what ever help or assistance I can provide would be short-lived. What is lasting and eternal, would be to help on a spiritual level, and I can achieve that through serving the Lord.

In other words, I found great self-fulfillment through serving. It felt like I was adding value in life and being productive with my time. And being able to share with/encourage brothers and sisters in Christ that I love and care about in the Lord was something I found so very rewarding. When I feel that I'd helped to make a positive difference and gathered some blessings up there - it makes me feel good about myself.

This had been my attitude towards serving for the longest time - until I heard a sermon on Jan 3rd, 2015 in Irvine (according to my handy dandy notebook). It made me realize that although what I had felt about serving was true, it was very much self-centered and driven by the need for self-fulfillment. And because of that, I always struggled with pride after serving.

God-Centered Servitude  
In the past month, conversations with brothers and sisters have reminded me that holy work should be God-centered. We've been told that on the basis of "serve not to impress others but to please God", and that is, I guess, a basic level understanding of what it means. But God-centered servitude means more than that - the next level up of understanding would be "serve not for self, but to be accepted by the Lord".

During our PMVP sharing group, a brother was sharing that his busy week and occupied state of mind had impacted his servitude. He casually followed that up with: "I don't think my servitude was accepted by the Lord." Little did he know that this sentence had a huge impact on me, because I had let serving become somewhat a pattern and was lax in reverence and dedication.

Sometimes we automatically assume that when we serve and complete the act of serving, it is accepted by God. But really, that's not the case (see Gen 4:5, Amos 5:21-24). We can put hours and hours mindlessly into doing countless holy work - but if our heart is not in the right place, our servitude will not be accepted by the Lord. In the end, it's not about how much holy work we do or what we've accomplished, but about how faithful we were and whether He accepts the works of our hands.

A New Mindset in Serving
The effectiveness of holy work should be a by-product of our servitude, rather than the focus.

For we know holy work is effective because of God's Spirit, and not because of our own strength or eloquence. When we are serving, we empty and lower ourselves so God can work through us, not us working through God. One's message or works can be the most inspirational or eloquent, but it's God who opens people's hearts to make a message cut to the heart and stick, not us.

So before serving, the #1 goal of our servitude should be that it is accepted by God, rather than to inspire or move others with our service. While serving, our heart should submissive and actions humble, rather than desiring to demonstrate God's wisdom or power on ourselves - because the Lord gives, and He can take away. Lastly, after serving, we are able to drop/hand everything off to God and turn the page (move on to the next work) - rather than looking backwards and getting stuck on being proud of what we've done. We should withdraw and pray as Jesus did after performing great miracles, so that we will not fall into pride.

Only if we do this, can we be true servants of God and continue to be used by Him. Only with this kind of heart and mindset can we continue walking with Him. May God continue to move & help us grow in our servitude! :)

3 Signs that He's Unloved

As humans, we all have this desire to be loved. Especially after you've given out so much love and laid down yourself for another, it would be really nice if they returned that love. In fact, we tend to have this natural expectation that they would love us back.

In the past month, God has honestly been SO gracious and I see his blessings & guidance like every day, with work and everything. But I hadn't realized until last week that I'd been so absorbed in myself and my own affairs - that I had left God feeling unloved. 

It wasn't that I had stopped worshiping altogether, but looking back now, through my actions and decisions here and there, I see how I had hurt Him and let Him down on several occasions. It's no wonder that all this gradually led to me feeling disconnected from Him in recent weeks. It wasn't that He was farther away, but I wasn't being responsive or returning His love. 

So what are these occasions or telling signs that one is losing or lacking in love for God? I'm drawing from personal experiences from this month, but perhaps you'll find these examples familiar if you've experienced similar situations before:

Sign 1: When you're talking to Him, your mind isn't on Him, but on a million other things. (And you keep checking the time.)

This one is pretty self-explanatory. I'm sure we all have zoned out while someone else was talking before, it's not the most respectful thing to do, but we do that in prayer a lot. It gets worse when we are not interested in what the other person has to say or are very occupied with many other things. 

So if we ever find it hard to remain focused in prayers, or find ourselves lacking "deeper" prayers (ones where God would take us on a joyful stroll in the garden of prayer, reveal His goodness to us, or help us understand where we need to work on/improve), we should be aware, because it may lead us to become weaker and weaker spiritually. 

Sign 2: When you don't feel motivated to keep your word/promises to Him. 

Recently, I was reminded of and thought about the past CYSC. Those who attended will recall that we wrote, on the last night of the year, post-it notes of our 2015 spiritual resolutions/goals. Well, I set mine as my phone's wallpaper for the longest time, but had forgotten the true meaning of the promise I'd made. 

To share mine briefly, I had determined to sacrifice for and love God more this year. And one day (Oct 21st to be exact), while feeling super thankful for all of God's guidance, I proclaimed that I was going to attend Weds night service and worship because I was so grateful. But when night time came... and I sat down on the couch... and looked outside... I thought to myself: "Mmm... It's really dark and cold outside..." 

Well, the story didn't really end well, I ended up staying home that night. So much for sacrifice, right? But it wasn't until later that I realized how everything connected together. And when I did, I felt super bad - like I had stood God up for a date and really let Him down. :( 

So whatever your new year's resolution or promise to Him was, I hope you're still working on it!!

Sign 3: When you make compromises or excuses when serving Him.

Yeah... Sometimes we are tired, feeling lazy, and just don't put in as much heart and hours into preparing as we should. Whether it's teaching RE, interpreting, playing piano or anything really, we are much more passive in serving the Lord. As opposed to our more zealous times when we are proactively serving and looking for ways we can build up the church, we put in just enough effort to get a "passing" grade. And it really shouldn't be like that. 

Paul reminds us in Gal 5:9 "And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up." (ESV). I think this is a really good reminder for us to examine our servitude as well, so that we do not become bitter, complacent, or unfaithful in serving. For then our works would be unfruitful and even displeasing to God, and the privilege of serving may be taken away from us. But rather, let's look forward to the bountiful harvest and fruits that we can reap, if we put in the hours of planting and watering through continuous spiritual cultivation. 

So... How can we love more?

Well, everyone shows love differently, and everyone's relationship with God is unique. But we can consider the 5 Love Languages: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Gifts, Quality Time and how we can apply these in our relationship with God.* 

For example... 

Words of Affirmation - praise, thanksgiving, sing hymns, testify/share God's goodness with others, preach 

Acts of Service - serve at church, show love for brothers & sisters, preach 

Gifts - tithe, thanksgiving offering, being a living sacrifice, become a preacher 

Quality Time - attending services, listening to sermons, reading & meditating on the words of God, prayer 

This is by no means a comprehensive list, but hopefully this could be a starting point for us in pursuing a more loving relationship with God. Let's keep one another in our prayers (please pray for me too!!) so that we can keep walking in love. 

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*I've left out Physical Touch for obvious reasons :) 

Still, My Soul Be Still

Let me begin by sharing an awesome hymn that we presented this ESSC, which is now a favourite of mine:

Still, my soul, be still and do not fear, though winds of change may rage tomorrow.

God, is at your side; no longer dread, the fires of unexpected sorrow

God, You are my God, and I will trust in You and not be shaken,

Lord, of peace renew, a steadfast spirit within me to rest, in You alone.

Still, my soul be still; do not be moved, by lesser lights and fleeting shadows

Hold, on to His ways, with shield of faith, against temptation's flaming arrows.

God, You are my God, and I will trust in You and not be shaken,

Lord, of peace renew, a steadfast spirit within me to rest, in You alone.

Still, my soul be still; do not forsake, the truth you learned in the beginning

Wait, upon the Lord, and hope will rise, as stars appear when day is dimming

God, You are my God, and I will trust in You and not be shaken,

Lord, of peace renew, a steadfast spirit within me to rest, in You alone.

Still, my soul be still ~ 

Still, my soul be still ~ 

Be still. 

(By Keith & Kristyn Getty and Stuart Townend) 

Being Still 

Recently, I've been working on maintaining a calm & quiet heart despite of being in a busy environment. It is so easy for us to lose sight of God and lose track of ourselves when we are occupied with things of this world. 

Especially now as the weather cools down and things begin to pick up for work or school, it's a challenge remaining focused in prayers and preventing our faith from cooling down too.

But have you ever realized how difficult it is to just be still? In an efficiency-seeking society of constant stimulation and endless feeds, it's so rare to just sit there and do nothing. Or sit there and contemplate on the bigger things in life. Or wait for things in general. 

Eric Hoffer points this out: "The superficiality of the American is the result of his hustling. It needs leisure to think things out; it needs leisure to mature. People in a hurry cannot think, cannot grow, nor can they decay. They are preserved in a state of perpetual puerility.*"

It's true. We are often occupied by our daily tasks and routines, and can become too tired or lazy to think about what we are doing or the direction we are heading, much less make meaningful changes to our lives. Sometimes we become so absorbed with our own lives that we forget there's a world outside of our own. We get caught up by small thing and forget to give thanks, to make time to help others, and to meditate on past mistakes or set future goals. We move aimlessly from day to day, and end up wasting a lot of time.

To avoid that, we should stop and take time to be still. 

Consider This: 

"Be still, and know that I am God;

I will be exalted among the nations, 

I will be exalted in the earth!

The Lord of hosts is with us;

The God of Jacob is our refuge." 

- Psalm 46:10-11

The bible tell us that, while we are being still, we should think outside of ourselves and towards God. 

We should recall who He is, and know that He is above all the earth and transcends all our worldly cares. That job interview? That deadline? Calm down, nothing is too hard for Him. While we are busy trying to make a good impression on others or create a place for ourselves in this world, let us not forget to please the One above who holds all things in His hands. After all, He is God. 

We should be reminded that He is with us, and how He has been with us since the beginning. Counting our blessings and giving thanks seem like such trivial things to do, but I often find myself greatly comforted and smiling at the end of it all. As one pastor said, "Thanking God is the beginning of loving God." And as we begin to see His love for us, we learn to love Him and are compelled to change or do more for others. 

We should also take comfort in Him as our Refuge because He understands just how hard it gets for us and provided us with prayer time, bible reading & sabbaths. It is during the quiet hours of prayer and bible reading that we examine ourselves and are granted insights and directions anew; and it is during sabbaths when we rest spiritually so we can walk farther and be victorious later. 

Set a Time 

It's during these times of reflection and personal cultivation that we learn some of the most valuable and important lessons in our lives. So regardless how packed our schedules are, let's set a time to be still. Set a time to pray, to think about God, and to meditate upon how we can change our lives for the better. :) It's not easy, but I'll keep working on it. 

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*I had to look up what puerility meant, it refers to childish foolishness or immaturity.

For When I am Weak, Then I am Strong

The month of July was probably the lowest point of my faith, when I struggled with serious doubts and an eerie feeling of emptiness. Yet it was also a period of rest and rejuvenation, when I felt the powers of God and was reassured of His sovereignty.

Through CYC and particularly PMVP, I realized as I move on to a new stage in life that it was also time for a new chapter of my spiritual life to begin. At the same time I leave behind student life and enter the working world, God knew it was also time for me to leave behind my fears and learn to become strong in Him.

What is Strength? 

I've always wanted to be strong and independent. Being able to put on a strong face and tell myself that I am strong kept me going through tough times. But the ironic truth is - somewhere deep inside me, I was afraid of not being strong. 

In a society of self-empowerment and personal achievement, it's not applauded to depend on someone, to always ask for help, or to receive unconditional support. Being weak or helpless has a negative connotation, and being completely still while relying on someone else seems like a lazy man's excuse. 

It does not make sense to the world, the way we rely on God. 

However, the strength in the eyes of the world and the strength in God's eyes are two completely different things. Worldly strength comes from one's own works or perseverance, whereas spiritual strength is from the Holy Spirit & God's power. Worldly strength is short-lived and superficial, while spiritual strength transcends time, space, and other limitations. 

The world tells us we are strong - but we are strong not because we forcefully tell ourselves we are. True strength comes from the Lord. From quietness and confidence in Him (Isa 30:15), from waiting for Him (Isa 40:29-31), from His words (Ps 119:28), from rejoicing in Him (Ne 8:10), from His Spirit (Zech 4:6), and from the power of His might (Eph 6:10). 

From Weakness to Strength 

With that said, being in a state of weakness isn't always a bad thing.  

Many times, it is at the lowest point of our lives that we realize what relying on God truly means. It's when we realize our vulnerability and admit "I can't do this" that we remember to look for a Higher Power. It's when we can't continue on our own any further that we can finally let go and let God. 

We are flesh, yet we often forget that and think we are invincible. But in the blink of an eye, a minor or unexpected accident can completely debilitate us and change our lives. Occasionally, we need trials or some difficulty in life to remind us of this, to help us take deeper root in faith, and to see God with our own eyes (Job 42:5).  

In fact, the smaller we see ourselves and admit our helplessness, the greater God grows in our sight. In our darkest times, we see Christ's light shine brightest. In the midst of the storm, we appreciate more genuinely the Holy Spirit's peace. And in our weakness, God's strength is made perfect. (2 Cor 12:9)

He Knows

Being strong is suitable at certain times, but it's problematic when we rely on our own strength even in front of God. We don't have to put on a strong face before God. We can tell Him exactly how we feel, and entrust all things to Him. God knows what we are capable of even better than we do, and He also knows exactly what we've put in.

Being vulnerable in front of Him is okay.

It is really amazing how the weakest times of our faith can also become the strongest times of our faith when we experience God's deliverance. When trials come upon us and we are so very close to breaking, we can either give up or be driven closer to God. We can either be broken, or come forth as gold. 

But let's not hesitate to seek strength from the Lord through this process, for He is our strength and shield (Ps 28:7). Let us recall the words of Paul, and keep in mind that when we are weak, then we are strong. 

"My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing." - James 1:2-4

Founded on Truth & Built Up in Love

My visit to China is wrapping up and I’ll be back very soon – I’m having mixed feelings right now… reluctant to leave, yet excited to see everyone again and for what lies ahead. It’s been a rewarding trip in many ways. In particular, I’ve found out more about myself by living in this new environment for the past two months. The sudden slow-down of pace in life, release from responsibilities, and departure from my normal routines in life made me realize, among many things, that my faith isn’t as strong as I had imagined.

Foundations of Faith = Truth 

I realize now that certain roles and routines (ex. prayer, bible reading, sabbath) in life had been important pegs of my spiritual tent, keeping me grounded in faith through the storms. A disruption or temporary upheaval of these pegs during vacation made me see the bare foundations of my faith, and that one's faith cannot be solely based on emotions or feelings, because emotions and feelings change during storms.

If our faith is based purely on emotions, on how we feel or on our imaginations of God (ex. how we perceive God to be like as opposed to how He is according to the truth), then at a change in circumstance, our faith may waver. A change in surrounding or an unexpected upturn/downturn in life will cause wide fluctuations in one’s spirituality. 

Faith that can endure through times of trial and the waves of life must be founded on the truth, because the truth never changes. The feelings, perceptions, and thoughts of men aren’t necessarily the will of God. So that is why it is so important to study the truth diligently through the Holy Spirit, instead of seeing things according to our own understanding or judgments.

When we meet with trials that threaten the very basis of our faith, we recall that at the bare foundation is our belief in Jesus Christ as the Saviour. He, through his crucifixion, death, and resurrection, redeemed us and opened the path to Heaven for mankind. Without going through Him, no one may enter the kingdom of God (John 14:16). So we receive baptism, submit to the Holy Spirit, keep Sabbaths and remember there is a hope of eternal life awaiting after.

We recall that at our baptism, we had proclaimed and accepted Christ as Lord, that we’d follow Him, to trust and obey Him.  It was a lifetime commitment, one which we should not forsake or and just decide to leave when it's no longer convenient or beneficial. We made a solemn and wise choice when we decided to follow Christ – so stick with it until the end. As Paul said, run the entire race, fight until the end, keep the faith until the Lord comes again. (2 Tim 4:7) Remain in the church, and blessed is he who endures until the end. (Mt 10:22)

Even though we hear repeatedly during seminars/spiritual convocations the importance of studying the truth & doctrines, I didn’t think deeper about it because it just seemed like a fact. But I finally see why we have to repeatedly drill these things in deeply and firmly – because faith has to be founded on the truth rather than on men’s perceptions or emotions. 

Building Up in Love

At the same time, it’s impossible for faith to persist without the existence of love. 

Paul said in 1 Corinthians 13:13 “and now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” The entire law and the prophets hang on to love - loving God with all our heart and soul and mind, and loving men as ourselves. It may be easier to love men whom we can see, but how do we love or develop love for Christ? After all, it is the first and greatest command (Mt 22:34-40).

But we love Him because He first loved us (1 John 4:19). So to cultivate love for God, we have to first realize, experience, know the love of God for us. Yes, we are told that God loves everyone, but the love I speak of here isn't of His love for someone else, but his love for you personally. Have you ever felt God's love for you? 

Because there's a difference between knowing someone loves you, and feeling they love you & receiving fulfillment and joy from that love. The love of God is so wide, deep and long (Eph 3:18) and impossible to separate from us (As Paul said in Romans 3:38-39 "For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.") - then how big of a pity would it be if we never feel Christ's own love for us as children of God? That would mean we have never gotten to know our father, because God himself is love.

God gave us time on earth not only for us to believe him, obey him, or follow him, but even more so He wants us to experience and understand His personal love for us. Only then can we be compelled by God’s love as Paul was (2 Cor 5:14). Perhaps when we finally do feel God’s love for us, we will come to understand what it is that Christ wants us to accomplish. Maybe only then will we learn to love others unconditionally, as Christ does us.

And when it comes to times of trials, when we feel like all that surround us is darkness, we can recall the closeness and personal love we've received from God. Then we’ll feel a warmth lighting up our heart, hear a voice telling us to wait a bit more and keeping holding tight onto His hand. And when we truly understand the love of God for us and all mankind, all our doubts, questions, and problems disappear, because we will just know that God won't give us anything other than what is best. 

Capitalizing Our Spiritual Riches

I've been in China for the past month; sightseeing, spending time with family, and revisiting places from my childhood. 

Yesterday, I caught up with an old friend after service. We used to played together as kids, before I immigrated to Canada. And now after 10+ years, it really seems like he’s gone through a lot and had a hard life. Little did I know how drastically different our lives were, nor would I have guessed as a child that we'd be sitting down again a decade later, exchanging stories. I know it was part of God’s arrangement for us to meet and chat again, because it has finally provoked me to put into words thoughts that have been circulating in my mind for the past month. 

After listening to my friend's stories, I see it was through many trials & sufferings that he learned spiritual principles and began to gain understanding/knowledge of God. Some of these spiritual principles/knowledge he learned the hard way, are basic and fundamental things that have been taught to us in RE, seminars, or sermons throughout the years, often which we take for granted in North American churches. 

We Are So Rich 

The fact is, many churches in China don't have access to the resources and opportunities to know the Truth as well as we do. It’s unfortunate that the local churches do not have residential preachers shepherding them and correcting the many misunderstandings in the teachings. These extreme stances or mis-taught “truth” is a cause for people to fall, a major obstacle to people correctly understanding God, and a deterrence to those trying to cultivate a better relationship with Christ. 

Though they are lacking in spiritual knowledge, God's abundant mercy is greater still, and He works with them in very personal/individual ways. Although not everyone had to learn through suffering as my friend did, God has personally nurtured them and allowed them to experienced Him in their own unique ways, according to their varying needs. Even those who fall away, God uses His own ways to call them back. While some return and some don’t, God undoubtedly has had mercy on them all. 

What I want to say is... we are so rich here. Spiritually rich. We have so many resources that enable us to know God more & grow in our spirituality - sermons/preachers, seminars, fellowships, spiritual convocations, magazines/print sources, baptisms, holy communions, and opportunities to draw close to God… yet we take it for granted. We are reluctant to use these resources or attend these spiritual events, much less cherish them.

My friend had to learn many lessons through enduring many trials and lots of reflection. Many bros and sisters fall away because of a lack of knowledge (Hosea 4:6) and correct understanding of God. But today much knowledge is freely given to us through seminars, sermons etc. But are we even appreciative of this rich blessing in the first place? Are we taking every opportunity to grow? And secondly, what are we doing with the rich knowledge that have been revealed to us? After God has nurtured and fed us for so long, have we borne fruit? 

Side Story: Short Testimony 

While in a tour group, I met a Christian couple from Australia. From the week time spent with them in the tour group, I saw the glory of Christ displayed in them. 

During casual conversation, I found out that the couple was Christian. At our meal times, we happen to be designated by the tour group to sit at one table, along with another Christian couple (this was completely random & by the arrangement of God). They would lead our table of 10 in saying grace at each meal, and at times discuss topic of faith. 

One meal time, they bravely testified about their son. Their 22 year-old son had just come out of prison last November. He's been a troubled child since youth and was involved in drug and gang-related activities. He was busted for a large volume drug trafficking and was looking at a minimum sentence of 25 years, up to life in prison. At this time, they said to him: “Mom & dad can’t save you right now, your lawyer can’t save you either, the only one who can save you now is Lord Jesus. But you have to admit your sins and repent – you have to plead guilty.” His mother gave him a bible to pass his time, and through many prayers, the son was granted a 5 year sentence. He served 2.5 years in prison and was released early due to good behaviour. After he was released from prison, he received baptism just last month (April) and testified how the Lord changed his life.

This may be an oversimplification of what they actually shared, but their testimony brought light and positive influence on the other non-believers at the table. (One of whom became red-eyed because he was having relationship issues with his own son.) Throughout the week, I’ve witnessed the couple’s actions and zeal to share the Good News, patiently explaining and preaching to other members of the tour group. They even gathered 10 some Christians from the tour group to worship together on Saturday night, where one elderly lady decided to follow Christ and resolved to receive baptism after returning to her local city. 

Courage to Use Our Talents

I was personally touched and encouraged. Literally having more courage. The other Christians in the tour group went to different churches, they had different doctrines & views on the Holy Spirit, Sabbath etc, but they are preaching so boldly. I was ashamed at how I wasn't the one taking the initiative to preach to others.

Today, while we have knowledge and understanding of the Truth, while we the guidance of the Holy Spirit, why can't we be doing more to share with others? Why do we shrink in fear, worrying about what others will think of us? Why can’t we go out and plant more seeds and do some watering? Whether these seeds grow or not, will be up to God, right? (1 Cor 3:7) It’s as the master said to the servant in the parable of the talents. "For everyone who has, more will be given, and he will have abundance; but from him who does not have, even what he has will be taken away." (Matthew 25:29)

Today, God has given us all these talents, knowledge, and callings to serve Him. God has nurtured us, equipped us, and given us talents to preach and bring light to those who live in darkness. These not only refer to non-believers, but also to brethren who are weak or have fallen. But have we used these talents encourage one another, have shared our understanding of the truth with truth-seeking friends, have we displayed the glory of God in our lives? Or in worldly terms, have we provided a good ROI to the master?

So while it is called "today", let's exhort one another daily, lest any of us be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin. (Heb 13:3) Let’s take up these opportunities to grow, to serve, to attend seminars, to keep Sabbath, to pray, and use the abundant riches given to us to win others. And when we have capitalized the spiritual riches and grace given to us – more will be given to us. Then on the last day Christ will ultimately say to us: “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

Is God Here?

The past month has been kind of tough, but I'm getting back on track now. Among the bits and pieces of new lessons in progress, I want to share about a change in my attitude towards experiencing God at church - which some of you may relate to if you can read til the end!

Prelude: Something Beautiful  

During a recent flight, I flew over the Atlantic Ocean during the middle of the night. Having given up on sleeping, I thought I'd open the shades and see what's out there.

What greeted me was hundreds and hundreds of stars, just hanging outside my window, shining bright in the dark of the night. It was like one of those IMAX space documentaries, and I was taken aback by the vastness and beauty of it all. Without any light pollution, you could see so many stars so very clearly. Needless to say, I spent a good while staring at them and even saw a shooting star :)

The night sky grew lighter and lighter near the horizon as the plane headed into day break. As the sky gradually brightened, the stars disappeared one by one and hid behind the rays of light.

It was at this time that I recalled something a preacher had once said... something along the lines of:

Can you see the stars during the night? 

  - Yes. 

What about during the day? 

  - No. 

But are they still there during the day? 

  - Of course!

Sometimes the grace and presence of God is like the stars. At some points in our life, we can't see the stars or feel God's grace and presence, but that doesn't mean He's not there. He is still there, patiently watching over us, quietly loving us, and faithfully abiding with us through all the days & nights.

Where is God?

The reason I began with that story is that, sometimes, we fail to see God at church. 

Sometimes, we don't really feel spiritually nourished or encouraged by the sermons, or find/experience God in particular at church. Going to church becomes more of a duty to God and a habit, because we don't seem to get as much value from the time spent listening to the sermons. When we go to church, we only see people. And as those of us who grew up in the church are aware, since every local church has their issues/imperfections, sometimes the people & problems we do see discourage us even more from wanting to come. So because of all this, we feel cool-hearted or even negative towards church at times. We wonder: is God even here? Why isn't He doing anything? Where is He? 

An Epiphany 

During one Friday night, I woke up around 4am and couldn't fall back asleep. So in the stillness of the night, God made me think about a question: what does your ideal church look like?

I’d always imagined church to be a place of love, power, and spiritual nourishment. My ideal church would be a place filled with love, with people who share the same zeal to draw close to God and pursue His will, for people to encourage one another in the Lord, be close to each other and share their joys/sorrow together. A place where God fully manifests His powers and glory, where His Holy Spirit fills and empowers all of us, enlightens all of us, and leads us to win spiritual battles and souls. Where the hungry could be filled, the poor in spirit comforted, and those who are battered– receive peace, love, and inner strength from the Lord.

As I described it, I realized it was sounding a lot like spiritual seminars... This is what we can achieve when we come together as one, with the determination to draw close to God; we we can fully entrench ourselves in the enjoyment of the pouring of His Spirit and grace upon us.

Then the epiphany hit: hey, some of these things I described are indeed present at church. 
We should not overly focus on what's lacking, and let the negativity cover up the goodness that does exist. Instead, we should work on magnifying/expanding this goodness. Rather than accepting defeat or holding an indifferent attitude towards church, clinging onto how you were hurt, or sitting on the side and shaking your head/pointing fingers at all the things are going wrong - we should start caring and seeing what we can do to help our church improve. Caring and seeing what we can do to help our church gets us excited and involved in the work of God. If not, the result will either be us leaving the church, or us staying and causing division within.

My Name, My Eyes, and My Heart 

But just because we don't see God at church, it doesn't mean that He isn't there or that He's not working. We just don't know everything and can't see how God works & touches all his children in different ways. Sometimes, the problem is ourselves.

The Lord said to Solomon after he dedicated the temple:

"For now I have chosen and sanctified this house, that My name may be there forever; and My eyes and My heart will be there perpetually." (2 Chr 7:16)

This verse tells us that God has placed, right here at church, His name (which carries power and protects us - John 17:12), His eyes (which sees all things, including all that takes place at church and beyond), and His heart (which loves and longs after every single one of us). He is there to draw close to us. But the question is, do we truly realize that, value that, and reciprocate that when we go to church?

During this morning's bible study, we talked about how faith without deeds is dead (Jas 2:17), and how we need both faith and deeds to work together in perfection. So while faith without deeds is dead, deeds without faith is also dead. 

The physical act of going to church, without a true heart of worship or acknowledgement of God's presence there, does not allow our spirit to rest, grow, and connect with God. It's easy to forget that God is really with us at church when we don't physically see Him, but we must remember that what makes church different from a social place of gathering, is that His name, His eyes, and His heart are there. God is there. 

Takeaway: Prepare Your Heart for God

The key point is preparing your heart for worship. Part of why I didn't feel fulfilled or nourished was because I didn't properly prepare my heart for sabbatical worship. I didn't truly stop, rest, and seek God. If we seriously listen with a heart of humility & good soil, God willingly speaks to us and will personally nurture us. 

Our heart & attitude determines how much we gain from each Sabbath, service, prayer, and act of worship. God has promised that when we seek Him, we will find Him, when we seek with all our heart (Jer 29:13). 

So let's put everything away, quieten our hearts, and try to truly listen with all our heart today. Because only when we do that, are we truly prepared to experience His presence :) 

And He Will Make Your Path Straight

Life is great when midterms are over! :) Among all the studying and group work at school, there are also subtle reminders & teachings that we can see from God - if only we take the time to think/reflect over it.

For me, one of these lesson came while I was working on a group project.

How it began
For a while now, I've been trying to make sense of the phenomenon of devout youths leaving the church and denying God. And by devout, I mean people who appear to be very knowledgeable in the bible, who attend seminars regularly, and serve zealously in multiple ministries. But when they fall, they have a huge impact and rock the faith of those around them. (Understandably, Satan always targets those whose fall would have the biggest impact on the congregation.)

So when I hear stories like these, I feared that I would fall and dreaded the possibility of  causing others to fall. "It's not that I don't trust God," I'd say, "I don't trust myself."

Worried about losing faith?
Now I know God is faithful. The bible tells and shows that to us in so many places - including in 2 Tim 2:12-13
"If we have died with Him, we will also live with Him;
If we endure we will also reign with him;
If we deny him, he also will deny us;
If we are faithless, He remains faithful - for He cannot deny Himself." 

But... How much do I really trust God? If I really believed that He's faithful, why would I live my faith in fear?

The reality hits: there's a difference between knowing the truth, and believing the truth.

Story time
So what does all this have to do with my group project?

Well, have you ever been so sure of something, so 100% certain that you were right, but then to find out through time/turn of events that you were utterly wrong? That's what happened. I don't think I've ever been SO sure (mind you, I'm not usually this/overly confident) that my recommendation was the solution despite my group's objections, and I held onto my views because it was just so logical to me. And as silly as this sounds, it wasn't until I was proven wrong that I realized I had actually placed a whole lot of emphasis on my own judgment and understanding (despite what I said earlier about not trusting myself).

So this is the problem...
Returning to the topic of people leaving the church - this is one major problem: when people place too much trust on their own way of understanding (or presumptions of how things should be), it gets in the way of believing in God's truth. 

It goes without saying that when too many "I thinks/I feels" gets in the way of your belief in God's truth, you are trusting yourself more than you trust God - you are being your own king/master. Especially for those who think they already know God or think they already understand what He's like, it is difficult for them to turn back. But the reality is, they have not fully seen nor understood Him.

Doubt is also a problem. Doubt = trusting yourself > you trust God. When you allow doubts to stay, you are letting your distrust of God accumulate. And once you put yourself in the place of God, you stop seeing God, stop believing in Him, and leave.

And this is the take-away

This is why Prov 3:5 tells us, to "trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding". Because we ourselves are untrustworthy. Despite how certain we may be or how logical we think we are, we make wrong judgments all the time. We are human - lowly and limited. Without God preserving us and renewing us, we are ugly/wicked inside and slaves to sin. 

This is why we need to trust God and let Him be king, and rely on His guidance. And if we want to remain in Him, to be preserved by Him, we have to obey his commandments (John 15:10). Since God gave us the freedom of choice, we can choose obedience. 

Because choosing obedience is showing that we trust God. Choosing obedience is believing that God knows what's best for us. Choosing obedience means acknowledging we are lowly and God is greater. (Acknowledging God equals submission)*. As Prov 3:6 says "in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths." - and that path, my friends, leads us to Heaven.
6 

So fear not

God is faithful. He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can handle, and He has also given us His Holy Spirit to empower and guide us. But during our daily lives, when we do hear the Holy Spirit reminding us, we can choose whether or not to obey&remain in Him.

As for those who have left, I wholeheartedly believe that God is still calling them back and working in them in ways that we cannot see. However, ultimately, it is our own refusal to listen to Him and to trust Him that prevents us from returning home. But as the father who waits for the return of his prodigal son, God is always waiting for us to return to His love & healing. 

So today, what will you choose? 

--
*in NIV, "acknowledge" is translated as "submit to" 

To Stand the Test of Time

It's been just over 40 days and 40 nights since CYSC ended! I'm going to share a bit from my journey in the past month and a half since then.

Balancing School & God
After the initial weeks of finding it hard to "focus" on school while struggling to be fully rooted in Christ, I began to realize that one can't always stay on the mountain. (Thanks to the bible reading plan, I've been reading Exodus and gaining lots from it!) So for one, David, as a seeker of God's heart, also had to deal with the physical things of ruling his Kingdom. Joseph, too, had to work for the Pharaoh. They each had their "earthly labour" to tend to, not being full-time ministers.

Yet they still loved God, and kept God close to their hearts.

Today, God gave me duties and responsibilities as a student, and although I had wished to focus on more "godly" matters, there's no denying that I have to tend to my schooling and assignments. I don't think there's anything wrong with that, for God did tell man to toil & labour, right?! (Sidenote: I never realized until now how good it was for Adam & Eve before they sinned, they only had to focus on serving God and tending the Garden of Eden; then after they sinned, they had to focus on working to survive, sigh!)

Anyhow, the question is, "how do I keep God in my heart while living in this world?"

40 Days&Nights 
The reason I mentioned 40 days and nights is based on the journey of the Israelites. If we start reading from Exodus 20, we see that God told the Isrealites His commandments and put His fear before them so that they may not sin (20:20). In Exodus 24, He let Aaron, the 70 elders+crew see Him, and they ate and drank (24:9-11). Then Moses went up into the mountain for 40 days & nights (24:18). But before the end of the 40 days, the Isrealites had already turned from God into disobedience, worshiping the golden calf in Exodus 32.

During one of our campus fellowships, we watched Bro. Yang Liu's testimony. It wasn't my first time watching the testimony, but this time round, one of the things that dawned on me was that the biggest challenge that I face today, is to let my faith stand against the test of time. To remember my experiences of God vividly, and hold it so close to my heart, as if it occurred yesterday. To cling onto His grace and recall His deliverance, to get me through rough patches of faith or times of doubt. Because if I don't, time erases, memories fade, and my heart - cools down. 

The Answer: daily spiritual cultivation & sabbatical spiritual nourishment
God knew that living in this world and being away from the mountain pose challenges to our faith. And that is why He provided us with all these tips & guidelines on Christian living, on how to keep Him in our hearts as David and Joseph did. And every Sabbath, God calls us to return to His mountain and to taste again His Heavenly joy, and enjoy rest. Sabbaths are our day of renewal, that we gather together to encourage one another, to focus on our relationship with Him, and to be physically and spiritually with Him. And the thing is, if you are not getting that nourishment/recharge on a weekly basis, you will backslide and be overwhelmed by the world.

So, it is really important to make sure we eat spiritually each Sabbath, whether it's physically attending services or listening to online sermons if you don't live close to a church. And Ex. 24:12 tells us: we have to come up to God on the mountain, where first we learn to know Him and His will, in order to then preach and teach them to others once we are off the mountain & in this world. And although we can't stay on the mountain forever, we have to constantly go up and see God, and be filled by His Spirit. :)

--

PS: check out my updated post about the doubts I faced while starting this blog!

To Abound More

I had originally prepared this for a Weds night sharing back in January, but thought it's a good way to start off the blog for this year! May all the glory, honour, and praise be onto God's holy name. 

________________________________________________________________

Reflecting over the College Youth Spiritual Convocation (CYSC) I attended this year… it wasn't until I experienced it myself that I realized truly how great of a blessing from God it was for me to attend this seminar. If I could use one word to describe my CYSC experience, it would be abundance. So tonight, I hope to share this abundance with everyone, and pray that God can open our hearts and let us feel His presence here with us.

May I ask everyone to recall a point in time that you felt closest to God?  It may have been when you first believed/baptized, or it may be the moment you received the promised Holy Spirit. Or think back to the darkest and most desperate times in your life – where God touched you and brought you peace and comfort through that one memorable prayer. The times that you felt God right there – that he was so close you can almost touch Him. That he was there in the rustling leaves from the gentle breeze, that He was in the broad blue skies, in the warm rays of sunlight, and in everything that surrounded you.

I ask this, because a sister had said to me one night: “Annica, can we please pray together? I miss God.” And I thought… you know, there are so many things in the world that occupy us, when the things of the world seem so wonderful to us that we feel like we can’t live without them - why would we miss God? But once in a while, very rarely, when the glories of the world wear off for a little bit and our hearts and minds quiet down - I don’t know if you ever feel this way, that you miss God.

This was the closeness to God that I sought coming into CYSC. I missed Him. It wasn’t that God wasn’t there for me, or that I didn’t pray every day. But even during my daily worship and weekly services, I focused too much on me and on my own life, and that hindered me from truly setting my mind on God and feeling God. (Col 3:2)

What I mean is, sometimes prayer is a very automatic or mindless thing that we do. We kneel down and pray in tongue, as our minds wander to and fro from things that happened in our lives, or things that will take place in the future. We pray for God to guide us. We pray for strength to face dilemmas. We pray for blessings or for the things we need. We ask for a lot, and indeed God gives to us. But too few times do we pause to think or care about how God feels. That yes, God feels. That yes, He is a living and jealous God; that because of His intense love for us, His great jealousy is invoked every time we pick something of the world, over Him.

Too few times do we try to see things from God’s perspective. What does being a man who seeks after God’s own heart mean to us? (Ex. David, Acts 13:22). To seek after God’s own heart means that you care enough about God to WANT to understand what He is thinking/feeling. If we love or value someone, would we not want to know what they think? Seeking after God’s own heart not only means understanding God’s will and sharing His perspective – but that we actually hold it as IMPORTANT to us what God’s heart is. And if it’s so important to us that we hold it closely to our hearts – then naturally we will integrate it into our prayers and actions. We do what He wills.

Yet prayers feel long, because our prayers are too one-sided or overly focused on our physical lives. (Having a 30 minute conversation with yourself gets boring.) Prayers feel long, because we don’t give God time, to listen to Him or to think about how He feels/views the situation on hand. Prayers feel long, because we do not know EXACTLY what to pray for or why we are praying, outside of the reason that we are told we should pray and ask God to help when we need something. That also explains why we are so much more diligent in prayer when there is a “need” or a sense of urgency.

But prayer is alive. Prayer is both a communication and cleansing process. Prayer is moved by the Holy Spirit. Like Living Water, it is replenished and renewed every day. A prayer that’s filled with life and power is not equal to repeating the same sentence over and over again.

This CYSC, for me, was a testament to the renewing and cleansing effects of prayer – and how God abided with me and manifested His powers.

As I mentioned earlier, for quite a while I was missing that zeal and power and direct connection to God. Sure, after ESSCs or moving sermons, my heart would be inspired or warmed up a bit, but that fades pretty quickly. On the 2^nd day of CYSC, it was through the classes and hymn 502 that we sang, that God helped me to realize what I needed to pray for. “Lord to my heart bring back the spring time, take away the cold and dark of sin…. O refill me now sweet Holy Spirit, may I warm and tender be again.”

Time after time God moved and warmed my heart from the outside, but my heart was cold & dark at the core. Unless I cleanse the core of my heart, I would still return to my cold/indifferent state after I returned back to life, because the world itself is dark. But if my heart was filled with God’s warmth, tenderness, and the Holy Spirit – I would emit goodness and generate good fruits while surviving in this cold world.  And that through this process of spiritual recovery, I dropped everything else that I was praying for (ex. cares of life) like how Elijah ran away from everything and hid in the wilderness – to focus solely on bringing back the spring time in my heart. 

Through the rest of the CYSC prayers, God helped me realize new things about our relationship every day, and so gave me a new direction/focus that I should pray for each day. It began with seeing my sins. Like a blood vessel connecting my heart to God’s, sins like selfishness, pride, laziness hung like plaque against the artery walls, obstructing my relationship with God. I realized how weak I was in willpower to actually do God’s words, and that in order for me to be renewed and healed spiritually; I had to repent and be determined to remove these sins. So I prayed for that.

The next day, God showed His love for me. There was this prayer session, where I just looked back in my entire life. From when I had to be hospitalized at 2 weeks old, to my earliest childhood memories, to attending church and elementary school in China, to immigrating to Vancouver and meeting with challenges, to high school and my growth/discovery of the world during university years. And I saw. He was there, every single moment. And I heard, and took to heart the last verse in the book of Matthew: “I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Amen.”

Passing through the 4^th and 5^th days, God encouraged me to deny myself and to make sacrifices (ex. of my own comfort/pleasures) for Him. That’s actually my new year’s resolution for 2015, to make more sacrifices for God, and to love Him more, whether it’s financially or to obey and put His words into practice when it’s inconvenient or out of my way. I wanted to lower myself, and to exalt God. Because God let me see - to my shame and shock - how much I had received from Him, and how little I’d given back to Him in our relationship.

The verse I left with and now cherish deeply is 1 Thess 4:1 “Finally then, brethren, we urge and exhort in the Lord Jesus that you should abound more and more, just as you received from us how you ought to walk and to please God;” One sister in my sharing group had stated: “The enjoyment of this world isn’t going to grow any LESS sweet, that’s why we need to let our enjoyment of God increase.” We may be comfortable with the condition of our faith right now, but God wants us to abound more and more. Abound more in love for Him. Abound more in love for others. Abound more in faith. In spiritual knowledge. In wisdom. In strength. In power. In zeal. In obedience. In submission. In humility. And most of all, in prayer.

There is so much more that I received from this CYSC through prayer, and I thank God profusely for all that He has given me. My soul was filled and satisfied because God uplifted me. That I felt God right there – that he was so close that not only could I touch Him, but I was IN him because He had descended upon me like a cloud. I felt that he was there in the rustling leaves from the gentle breeze, that He was in the broad blue skies, in the warm rays of sunlight, and in every single molecule that surrounded me.

May God guide our prayers, may we truly become seekers of His heart, and may we always strive to abound more. 

2015: It's not about me, it's about You

It's a bit daunting, but I've decided to start blogging again, and hopefully share some stories from my walk with Jesus in 2015.

Here we go again, keep me in your prayers! :)

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UPDATE: Feb 14th

Today, God confirmed to me and encouraged me that this blog was His will. I have to admit, inasmuch as I felt moved to start blogging again, there was a sense of vulnerability I dreaded from revealing personal things about myself. Based on previous experience, I was afraid to be judged and hurt, particularly by people from church.

But God showed me that all His servants who served Him and did great things for Him had to be vulnerable too. They too, had to face this fear of vulnerability.

Moses was a prime example of this. He was afraid to serve God at first. He was afraid to return to Pharaoh and face his past (Ex. 3:11). He was afraid of not knowing what to say (Ex. 3:13, 4:10). He was afraid that his people won't believe him or listen to his voice (Ex. 4:1). He was afraid to be vulnerable. 

And after leading the Israelites - his own people - out from Egypt. The very same people whom he's trying to help turned against him, and wanted to stone him (Ex. 17:4) His own flesh and blood, Miriam and Aaron, gossiped about him and opposed him (Num 12:1). But guess what? The Lord personally defended Moses.

So thank God for encouraging me (literally giving me courage hahah). As I hope to continue to serve Him in humility, I want to clarify why I wanted to blog again and the purposes of this blog:

1. To share & spread God's goodness and teachings, since He has given me so much.
2. To bring freshness to the online world for God's purposes (aka using the internet as a tool of preaching) and to remind all of God in our daily lives.
3. To show and hopefully inspire others that being devoted to God is a beautiful experience and is nothing to be ashamed of - we are not alone!