In the past month, God has honestly been SO gracious and I see his blessings & guidance like every day, with work and everything. But I hadn't realized until last week that I'd been so absorbed in myself and my own affairs - that I had left God feeling unloved.
It wasn't that I had stopped worshiping altogether, but looking back now, through my actions and decisions here and there, I see how I had hurt Him and let Him down on several occasions. It's no wonder that all this gradually led to me feeling disconnected from Him in recent weeks. It wasn't that He was farther away, but I wasn't being responsive or returning His love.
So what are these occasions or telling signs that one is losing or lacking in love for God? I'm drawing from personal experiences from this month, but perhaps you'll find these examples familiar if you've experienced similar situations before:
Sign 1: When you're talking to Him, your mind isn't on Him, but on a million other things. (And you keep checking the time.)
This one is pretty self-explanatory. I'm sure we all have zoned out while someone else was talking before, it's not the most respectful thing to do, but we do that in prayer a lot. It gets worse when we are not interested in what the other person has to say or are very occupied with many other things.
So if we ever find it hard to remain focused in prayers, or find ourselves lacking "deeper" prayers (ones where God would take us on a joyful stroll in the garden of prayer, reveal His goodness to us, or help us understand where we need to work on/improve), we should be aware, because it may lead us to become weaker and weaker spiritually.
Sign 2: When you don't feel motivated to keep your word/promises to Him.
Recently, I was reminded of and thought about the past CYSC. Those who attended will recall that we wrote, on the last night of the year, post-it notes of our 2015 spiritual resolutions/goals. Well, I set mine as my phone's wallpaper for the longest time, but had forgotten the true meaning of the promise I'd made.
To share mine briefly, I had determined to sacrifice for and love God more this year. And one day (Oct 21st to be exact), while feeling super thankful for all of God's guidance, I proclaimed that I was going to attend Weds night service and worship because I was so grateful. But when night time came... and I sat down on the couch... and looked outside... I thought to myself: "Mmm... It's really dark and cold outside..."
Well, the story didn't really end well, I ended up staying home that night. So much for sacrifice, right? But it wasn't until later that I realized how everything connected together. And when I did, I felt super bad - like I had stood God up for a date and really let Him down. :(
So whatever your new year's resolution or promise to Him was, I hope you're still working on it!!
Sign 3: When you make compromises or excuses when serving Him.
Yeah... Sometimes we are tired, feeling lazy, and just don't put in as much heart and hours into preparing as we should. Whether it's teaching RE, interpreting, playing piano or anything really, we are much more passive in serving the Lord. As opposed to our more zealous times when we are proactively serving and looking for ways we can build up the church, we put in just enough effort to get a "passing" grade. And it really shouldn't be like that.
Paul reminds us in Gal 5:9 "And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up." (ESV). I think this is a really good reminder for us to examine our servitude as well, so that we do not become bitter, complacent, or unfaithful in serving. For then our works would be unfruitful and even displeasing to God, and the privilege of serving may be taken away from us. But rather, let's look forward to the bountiful harvest and fruits that we can reap, if we put in the hours of planting and watering through continuous spiritual cultivation.
So... How can we love more?
Well, everyone shows love differently, and everyone's relationship with God is unique. But we can consider the 5 Love Languages: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Gifts, Quality Time and how we can apply these in our relationship with God.*
For example...
Words of Affirmation - praise, thanksgiving, sing hymns, testify/share God's goodness with others, preach
Acts of Service - serve at church, show love for brothers & sisters, preach
Gifts - tithe, thanksgiving offering, being a living sacrifice, become a preacher
Quality Time - attending services, listening to sermons, reading & meditating on the words of God, prayer
This is by no means a comprehensive list, but hopefully this could be a starting point for us in pursuing a more loving relationship with God. Let's keep one another in our prayers (please pray for me too!!) so that we can keep walking in love.
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*I've left out Physical Touch for obvious reasons :)
